Hole in our Whole...

The self and everything else,

is just a part of a larger whole,

a whole that holds the key to our existence,

and a whole that swallows everything that it can.

but this whole is incomplete,

like the whole has a hole,

and to fill this hole,

the mind, soul and gut finds everything that it can,

and the greed to fill this hole is the path to imminent doom.

gutless, mindless and soulless is where it leaves you,

and the greed and collecting and the shoving continues.

Wanderings of a Thoughtless Mind: Chapter 20

I'm switching off..

powering down..

Life as i knew it is coming trickling down..

Optimism and hope seems like a dream..

a dream I wake up from..

I wake up into a nightmare..

I am awake.. but it seems unreal..

flowers are still yellow.. and the sky is still blue..

but I look at myself.. and seem to recognise me..

but people around are a blur..

fast in motion and their words are a slur..

I try to listen.. but I cannot hear..

indistinct noises.. far far away from here..

I open my mouth.. and waterfalls crash..

out of my nose, my ears and every crevice I have..

but my mouth is dry and I try to speak..

I stutter and stammer.. and unintelligible words I speak..

My heart beats faster.. I can feel it in my head..

My hands are steady but my fingers are dead..

I panic and run.. far away from here..

It's only a dream.. I comfort myself..

I want out.. I want to wake up..

but I am already awake..

no waterfalls, no blurring people..

all distinct noises.. and intelligible conversation..

I wash my face.. and look into a mirror..

see the face that I know..

everything is normal.. I am still sane..

im powering up.. awakening from this dream..

but im wiser now.. detached..

and it's my cynic's turn to now gleam..

Relationships

I am starting to see.. that relationships aren't about the 2 people in it..

it's sad really.. coz if 2 people are happy.. or can be happy.. there are a hundred things that they would have to face to be there..

and thats when the priorities of people's lives really come to the surface..

do they believe in their happiness.. or do they believe that they are meant to martyr themselves for the sake of others..

i think i have dont the latter for a long time in my life.. and finally i was beginning to be happy..

but i guess.. no actually i know.. that everyone can't be in that space..

thats when cynicism and disillusion sets in.. because you hope that you are important enough to fight for..

but evidently one never is..

Wanderings of a Thoughtless Mind: Chapter 19

I have been wanting to write for a while..

but have found it difficult to find words to what i feel..

I don't really know what i feel i guess,

i want something.. but can't have it..

when i try not to want it, it comes back with a vengence..

when i try to forget, it slaps me in the face,

when i try to ignore.. it nags..

When i try again.. i get shot..

So i don't really know what i feel..

towards life, love, writing, work and everything else that tries to fill the gaps..

So what do i do..

I play my guitar.. find some solace in music..

don't need words, reasons, explanations anything..

just need to let out.. and be...