"Hello, I forgive you"
"What???"
"I said, I forgive you.."
"Who? What're you talking about?"
"Just shut up and accept it"
"Why in the fucking name of the Eiffel tower will I accept forgiveness that you are so philanthropically giving?"
"Just accept the forgiveness or i'll hang up"
"I dont know who in heavens name you are and you can screw off"
"Good bye.. just remember that I forg.." (click)
----------
"Hello, I forgive you"
"It's you again"
"Shit I called you again"
"So what you just call people and forgive them, don't you have a job?"
"This is all part of it.."
"Who the fuck are you? Do I even know you?"
"Yes you did and no not yet"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"You'll understand"
"Whatever man.. anyways i guess,right back at ya"
"Thank you, just remember my voice"
"Don't have a choice, won't see you anyways"
"What do you mean?"
"All I have is your voice to remember.. I'm blind, or what they call these days, 'visually impaired'.. so wont be seeing ya anytime soon.."
"Take care"(Click)
--------------------------
"Hello, I forgive you.."
"I forgive you too"
"....... "
"Weren't expecting me to comply were you"
"not really, I must say I'm quite taken aback"
"You have a very gentle voice"
"Thank you.. Sorry don't have a compliment that won't sound forced"
"Haha, Thats okay.. don't have to say something all the time.. just accept gracefully sometimes"
"I'm really glad I spoke to you.."
"Me too.. hope we never meet.."
"Yep I hope so too, Take care"
"You too" (Click)
-------------------------------
"Hello, I forgive you.."
"Who is this?"
"I'm sorry.. Are you Ms. Downs?"
"Yes I am.. "
"Umm.. ok.. I thought you would be much older"
"How old do you think I am?"
"Around early Thirties and the Ms. Downs i'm looking for is atleast 68 or more.."
"Well you reached the right number.. I'm her daughter.. (she pauses)Do you know my mother?"
"Not really, we haven't met yet.. are you ok?"
"Ya.. but then why were you asking for.. Sorry.. (takes a deep breath, clears her voice)I'm sorry but your about 1 hour late.. she died an hour ago.."
"OH.. I'm really sorry to hear.. I'm sorry for your loss.. and I hope I didn't interrupt anything.."
"no.. It's ok.."
"Were you'll really close?"
"No, not that I thought.. but in her last moments she called for me..(muffled sobs)"
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"I'm sorry..?"
"Would you like to talk about what your feeling?"
"I don't know.. I don't even know who you are.."
"All the better, isn't it.. you can call me Ram.. So tell me Ms. Downs.. what thoughts are flowing through your mind?"
"Call me Pam.."
"Ok Pam.. talk to me.. tell me everything.."
"(through sobs) We had a fight a year ago.. and I hadn't spoken to her since then.. her health had always been bad.. but it started deteriorating really fast.. and it seemed as if she grew 5 or 6 years older in the last one year.. it was all so sudden.. I didn't have time to react.. to say that I was sorry and that I really didn't mean a lot of what I said.. I don't know what to do.. i feel like there is so much left to be said.."
"ok.. can I suggest for you to do something.. are you a spiritual person, Pam?"
"Yes kind of.. haven't thought about it.. why what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to go into your mother's room, and tell everyone to leave the room.."
"Ok.. (she gives instructions for people to leave) .. I'm here.. and have closed and locked the door.."
"Great.. ok now I want you to look at your mother's face and remember her face as it is now.."
"Why.. I don't want to.. I can't.."
"Yes you can if you choose to.."
"(hesitantly) ok.. (Takes a deep breath) .."
"Ok now close your eyes.. and breath normally.. as you breathing concentrate only on your breathing.. and clear your mind of everything else.. still your mind.. breath in... and out... Concentrate only on your breath.. in... and out... now with your eyes think about your mother as you just saw her.. in front of you.. keep breathing normally.. in.. and out.. picture her.. look at her eyes.. her hair.. her body.. her hands.. keep breathing.. in... and out... now try talking to her with your eyes closed and tell her how you feel.."
"(A very distressed voice) Mom, I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to call you all the things that I did.. And I..(breaks into tears).. no no.. you have nothing to be sorry about.. it's all me.. I was just acting juvenile.. and got angry and said whatever came to my mind.. ... ... No you were justified in what you said.. ... ... (change in tone) OK maybe not that.. ok.. I agree.. anyways the larger fault was mine.. So I am sorry.. will you please forgive me.. ... ... Thank you.. (smiles) There is nothing I have to forgive you for.. .. how can I even think of my mother doing anything wrong.. ... ... Mother.. I forgive you.. with all my heart and soul.. I love you.. ... ... Can't you stay for a bit longer.. ... .. Ok... good bye.. bye (a tear rolls down her eye.. and she's still smiling)"
"now on the count of 3 you will start coming back.. you are relaxed.. and you are happy.. 1.. 2.. 3.. Take care Pam" (click)
---------------------------------
"Hello, I forgive you.."
"And what have I done to you now.. you lousy son of a bitch"
"Excuse me.. have we met?"
"Yeah.. your that asshole.. who keeps calling and going door to door to peoples houses and forgiving them right.. no good priests.. I dont believe in your 'cause' and I think your a prick.."
"Ok..that's a pity.. but fair enough.. well good bye then"
"Piss Off"(Click)
-----------------------------------
"Hello"
"Hello?.."
"Please forgive me.."
"Who is this?"
"I'm your past.."
----------------------------------
Here's how it all began..
April 5th, 2009...
Today just didn't feel right.. It was like the day wasn't supposed to exist..
Woke up with an irritating feeling of hopelessness and quiet.. tried to think but just didn't work.. seemed as if the mind had gone so cold that even the choke couldn't revive it..
But then well what had to be done had to be done.. The day must go on... So rolled out of bed and headed for the 2nd day of the past life workshop..
Things just seemed to be going downhill throughout.. the ticket guy took the longest time.. i was getting late... had an early morning irritation session with my landlord.. things just didn't seem to be working.. got onto the train... put on my earphones.. started the music and I kid you not.. i was transformed..
Never had I experienced a mood change so fast.. the hopelessness disappeared and I couldn't hear the quiet.. maybe I was just the music.. or maybe.. ... ... It was the music...
