Aimlessly..

I sat and worked aimlessly.. sitting in front of the computer.. letting the screen slowly lull me into a false sense of complacency..

I didnt really want to do what i was doing.. I didnt really feel like getting out of the house and come to office..

But the more terrorizing question is if not here then where?

So maybe i wasn't so aimless after all.. since if it were to be compared then..im far more aimed here.. Or so the false sense of complecency leads me to feel..

Im not happy here but nor am i unhappy.. Im comfortable in the safety of a job.. enveloped with the warmth of 'career' and steady money..

I thing this is the problem of not being ambitious or being decent at watever you do...

I read on a blog of a friend of mine that amibition leads to problems and unhappiness..

but i think a lack of one, leads to inertia.. and once this inertia is well set like ice on the foot.. causing frostbite.. you know the solution.. break it off.. but the sense of the loss of the toe is not emotionally worth the chance of actually making it work..

Its doomed anyway.. and it wont hurt.. but one hopes..

I think thats another problem hope..

Complacency + Lack of Ambition= Inertia.. but Inertia + Hope = ?

I guess its oxymoronish in its nature.. inertia in life is unmotivational anyways and hope to make the life, work or the hope to get out..

Therefore.. Inertia + Hope= Stagnancy.. (This end sucks!!)

Doesnt really make sense on the face of it.. but it does if you think about it..

But as this rambles on... I get messages, calls, emails and more work..

how does the cycle end?

where does it actually start to make sense.. when do the divorce papers actually get signed?

and where does one get the motivation to make the change when internal motivation tells you to sit your ass down and do what you have to...

Theyy say live in the fucking present.. but the fucking present just tells me to work and finish what is given today... and then tommorrow comes.. and the same fucking shit repeats its self..

So dont stay in the godforsaken present.. live in the freaking future..

you know why.. because thats the only way I or you will ever get out of this sad excuse of Stagnancy...

Stagnancy + lack of internal motivation + frustration of inertia = Frustrated complacency.. and of course random articles like these..

But more about that later..