Non Linear Lines- 1

I needed to write..

I don't really know what i want to write.. i guess there are innumerable things i could write about.. but nothing comes to mind.

Off late, i have been living one day at a time. No baggage, no distress, no nothing.

Time has lost it's relativity. It isn't relative, its disjoint and disconnected.

I don't mean this in a bad way.

It's just not linear any more. Yesterday could have been 3 days ago and day before could have been yesterday.

All replaceable, all interconnected, but not necessarily chronological.

also i don't really care anymore.

except for myself.

I love myself.. but not enough to be arrogant.. but not less enough to be self loathing.

I was thinking the other day.. or it could have been yesterday.. or sometime..

That i can be blank sometimes.

That i love western classical music.

That i can get lost in work enough for me to ignore the world.

That i am not in love.

That sometimes i want to be.

That money doesn't matter to me as much.

That the world around me is as self obsessed as it seems to be.

That i am okay being me.

And thats what i want to be. Me.

Wanderings of a Thoughtless Mind: Chapter 16

This one's not a classical 'wandering' post.

If there ever was a silver lining,

Clouds so dense would cover it all,

if there is anything open,

it wont be long till it closes again.

Ideals and hope all castrate us,

and rip of our dignity,

When the world seems cruel and cold,

I know where i will be.

I will be out on the seven seas,

out of bounds and out of reach,

I will be in the jungles,

where even sunlight doesnt reach.

When the war is over

between man, his emotions and thoughts,

the victor will emerge above,

and through the haze we will see.

Light at the end of the darkness,

deep and cold and wet,

the light will shine and blind us,

and i know where i'll be.

I will be on the seven seas,

Free as a bird can ever be,

I will be in the dense jungles,

and finally sunlight i will see.

Prosique - 4

Of late i have been getting more and more annoyed with people around me..

I wonder why...

Is it apathy to the world around me?

Is it the rise of cynicism from the breaking of the boring wall?

Is it the dictatorship of my life, by my life, for my life?

Is it the secularity of staunch beliefs?

Is it the objectivism of my mind to try and gasp for the last drops of spirituality?

I just think people around me are getting irritating.. So i retract to my shell and hope the world goes away for a while...

Clinging hopes, massacred feelings, destructive criticism and just plain simple nonsense.

All doesnt make sense to me.. i think i think too much and get so exhausted thinking that the thoughts that follow become redundant to the pre-seeding thought processes.

Im more focussed and far more competent when the world goes away..

headphones, music and im set,

Alone time and my guitar and im set,

Computer and words and im set.

Now just need to focus the action that the thoughts create...

For in inaction lies the devil of my existence, over-thinking.

How again do i do this.. I think I'll start by cleaning my own physical clutter.. aka my room.

Prosique - 3

What do i write, what do i write,

I think about this all the time.

At work, Its work, at the blog, its my thoughts..

But where does one begin and where does one go with it..

These thoughts are quite chaotic, one leading to the next and leading to the fifth, to the twentieth and then back to the third.

And thus leading to inconsequential conversation - From one strange sentence to the next beguiling one.

So then one decides, fuck the structuring and just write, let it flooooow.

Doesn't always work.

For venting it's great, feels great, may not sound great, but sure has the makings of a great letting go.

But for actual writing of the thoughts, down in words and rhyme, or even just paragraphs, it doesnt always work.

Thoughts for the day in no particular order,

- Arranged marriages amuse me.

- In a dossier of boys for prospective brides, is somewhere that i dont want to be. And i dont think i ever will.

- Im Dieting.. or so i tell the world.

- hahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahha

- 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 (puff puff) 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 (choke and die)

- There was once a girl that i knew not too long a ago...

- Random is as random does!

- What does that have to do with anything?

Makes no sense? To me neither.

But they are all very situational. So to a random reader they make no sense.. but when put into context.. Thats another thing.. They are deep and profound and full of learning..

Okay, honestly, They still dont make any sense.

Thats idle thinking and incoherent conversation for you...

Prosique - 2

In the last few days and weeks, i seem to have had a lot of conversations and discussions on relationships, friendships and the loss of the above.

The world is round and so seem to be the cycle of these dilemmas. More than just dilemmas, these are like illusions of trust and control that get out of hand. and by out of hand, i mean quite literally.

I control my fate and my relationships. Illusions.

I trust my mind and my relationships. Again an Illusion.

When this illusion blinds and castrates one of any independent thought and action, one has a dilemma.

I dont mean to be cynical, but somewhere life gets you to reevaluate all these discrepancies and you are left holding your heart in one hand and your head in the other, suddenly requestioning answers that you were sure were set in stone.

Little did one realise that the stone was made to be broken. And so are illusions.

Why, What the, How.. the mantras of the broken hearted.

How often do we find ourselves asking these questions and then reasking them as not to accept the answers we got in the first place. and finally reaching the same conclusions as we always did - What did i get myself into?

This then leads to the 3 most popular New Year/Post Relationship resolutions:

1. I will not get into a relationship, until i find the right person.

2. I will not get into a relationship unless i know the person well before i start boinking them.

3.(My favourite, and i would be rich if i had a dollar for everytime i hear this) Im not going to get into a relationship for the next year or two or never.

And the end result is almost always the same. Non-compliance to the resolutions.

Illusions, i tell you...Cant survive with them, but cant be happy without them.

(To be Continued...)

Prosique - 1

Heres my thought, like everything else that i write, I started writing with the attempt at prose..

But eventually i just settled for my comfort zone of rhyme and meter.

And then eventually, i started thinking in meter and that just messed up the entire ecology of my thought. Because then gradually, i started looking at things and finding rhymes, finding how to make it into 4 lines and then finally typing it.

It doesn't really make sense or maybe people can relate to it, i don't care. It started replacing my rationality with rhyme and my freedom with meter.

I wasnt thinking.. i was only reacting..

im done reacting and letting it take over my life.

Im done with random mindless rhymes,

im taking my freedom of thought back from me,

and now i will rhyme only when i write poetry and not prose.

This is me taking control of my thought and words.

This is me moving out of my comfort zone..

Wanderings of a Thoughtless Mind: Chapter 15.2

There is a cave, deep and dark,

I rest there sometimes, for the lack of thought,

I go quiet and enjoy it for a while,

The darkness is comforting, I do not know why.

The world moves fast and there a lot to think,

To do, to behave, to hold onto things,

There is a short time, when I can be me,

With you I feel that i can just be..

Stay quiet or just about talk,

Think when required and sometimes just feel,

the comfort of just being me, no strings attached,

you make me feel at home and of that cave im free..