Am i sleeping?

I don't know how they do it..
Artists, musicians, writers, the whole lot..

How do they visualize.. or rather how do they translate what they see, hear, feel, imagine into a physical tangible and beautiful work of art?

Its boggling.. i try and try.. but all that i do is step into the universe of the experience and then i can't share it..
Its like going for the most beautiful holiday to an exotic location, but forget your camera, or if you have a camera then your battery is not charged.. and even if all of it is in place, it's raining and you cant take your camera out..

Its frustrating..

even words don't seem to be coming out..
But Im transported more often than before..
Its like my mind wants to get lost..
but doesn't want to share where it's gone..

Dreaming has its perks.. you have an excuse..
but it's almost like all of life is a sequence of dreams..
no memory of the minute that has past..

Well, i suppose that it's because it doesn't know either..
skipping from reality to reality..
trying to make sense of what it's all about..
Where, why, how? crawling through..

Crawling in..
Bathing in doubt,
and no consistency..

how does one learn moderation, if there are only extremes?

And how does one return to our reality, if one doesn't even know awake from sleeping?

Or does one just enjoy the experience and hope never to truly awake?

From the ashes..

One doesn't think, but feels,

One doesn't know, but hopes,

One doesn't stop and does,

One knows the love is near.

One doesn't care and continues,

to a goal that is never revisited,

One doesn't consider consequences,

What is experienced is passion.

When disappointment is a fear,

When the feeling is getting lost,

In a crowd of so many, too many to count,

One knows they are burning to the ground.

From a lifetime of hope,

From the throes of passion,

rising from the ashes of oneself,

A true writer is finally born..

Hope..

There comes a time in everyone's life,

When confusion and deceit of the mind,

Rules over the judgement of the right..

But the time passes and the sun emerges,

from the west this time,

Against the thread of nature..

When this dawn comes,

And the horizon is no longer dark..

The hope that you had lost in warmth,

Comes gushing right back..

The sun envelopes everyone,

All colour, race, gender no bar..

Life regains it's old meaning,

That time is not far..

for once hope is back,

and reason and clarity restored,

everything has a new meaning,

even if it's the old one you had kept in store..

Wanderings of a Thoughtless Mind: Chapter 21

I don't understand it.

I honestly don't understand how people think.

Unilateral, not capable of non linear thought..

Closed and unfathoming of anything beyond what they know or can think.

How can people think unidimensionally, when the very basis on which they survive is multi-dimensional.

People are multi faceted.. and hence thought and understanding should be too.

People are many things at one time.. hence thought would be too..

Focussing is a task which one does after they have explored till the end of the world and beyond and upon reflection of this vast array of knowledge and experience can one focus.

How do people pass judgement or think they have the right to pass it too.

If one THINKS.. how can there be confusion.

How does one tolerate close mindedness.

How does one cope with it.

Maybe i just don't understand it.

Maybe im frustrated by people who claim to think.

How.

How.

How.

And here i write to feel better.. but im not feeling better, because i know that i have to dive back into the water-tight thoughts which people enforce everyday, every hour and every minute.

I want to just meet someone who doesn't pretend and just is.

Maybe im just reacting out of intellectual arrogance. Seated on my pedestal and looking upon the world, frustrated, lack-lustre and disillusioned.

Do i submit and go with it.. or remain and refrain and be frustrated.

Maybe i'm not getting my answer because the question is not clear.

Or maybe just tired of the gross misappropriations of this pretend thought.

Or maybe im just hungry.. and am surrounded by malnutritioned thought, immature patterns and indistinctive voices.

Maybe..

Hole in our Whole...

The self and everything else,

is just a part of a larger whole,

a whole that holds the key to our existence,

and a whole that swallows everything that it can.

but this whole is incomplete,

like the whole has a hole,

and to fill this hole,

the mind, soul and gut finds everything that it can,

and the greed to fill this hole is the path to imminent doom.

gutless, mindless and soulless is where it leaves you,

and the greed and collecting and the shoving continues.

Wanderings of a Thoughtless Mind: Chapter 20

I'm switching off..

powering down..

Life as i knew it is coming trickling down..

Optimism and hope seems like a dream..

a dream I wake up from..

I wake up into a nightmare..

I am awake.. but it seems unreal..

flowers are still yellow.. and the sky is still blue..

but I look at myself.. and seem to recognise me..

but people around are a blur..

fast in motion and their words are a slur..

I try to listen.. but I cannot hear..

indistinct noises.. far far away from here..

I open my mouth.. and waterfalls crash..

out of my nose, my ears and every crevice I have..

but my mouth is dry and I try to speak..

I stutter and stammer.. and unintelligible words I speak..

My heart beats faster.. I can feel it in my head..

My hands are steady but my fingers are dead..

I panic and run.. far away from here..

It's only a dream.. I comfort myself..

I want out.. I want to wake up..

but I am already awake..

no waterfalls, no blurring people..

all distinct noises.. and intelligible conversation..

I wash my face.. and look into a mirror..

see the face that I know..

everything is normal.. I am still sane..

im powering up.. awakening from this dream..

but im wiser now.. detached..

and it's my cynic's turn to now gleam..

Relationships

I am starting to see.. that relationships aren't about the 2 people in it..

it's sad really.. coz if 2 people are happy.. or can be happy.. there are a hundred things that they would have to face to be there..

and thats when the priorities of people's lives really come to the surface..

do they believe in their happiness.. or do they believe that they are meant to martyr themselves for the sake of others..

i think i have dont the latter for a long time in my life.. and finally i was beginning to be happy..

but i guess.. no actually i know.. that everyone can't be in that space..

thats when cynicism and disillusion sets in.. because you hope that you are important enough to fight for..

but evidently one never is..