Rambles: I want it back..

Clear my head..

thoughts flow freely like a fresh water stream..

i feel tainted and unholy..

like a rodent has died in my little pond, my pool of being.

My pond of healing has deserted me..

my golden light.. my sun.. my life force.. my cleanser

all gone..

all gone..

I want them back..

I want it back..

i want it all back..

i want me back..

i will myself to have it..

my magic is gone..

my powers wane..

my hands stained with the blood of a mosquito..

killed my my attempt to finish waiting..

It didnt need to die.. but it did..

it annoyed me..

i had the power to control its life in my hands..

and i choose to end it..

its mine..

i string on to the littlest thought and power that i have..

noone hears me any more..

im underappreciated by myself and myself only..

belief in myself has withered..

i have blossomed and its a hot summer day..

and my water.. hydration and life is drying..

i feel it leaving me..

like my powers..

like my control..

control of me.. leaving me..

how vulnerable do i feel?

none.. i feel empowered..

i free as if a burden has been lifted..

but im still looking high and low..

coz i want it back..

i want me back..

i want my thoughts back..

i want my guts back..

not selfish anymore..

not jealous anymore..

i just want to feel human again...