Rambles: Numb Catatonia

Its driving me crazy.. these thoughts..

i cant feel.. i cant move.. i cant talk..

only feel.. and feel..

I cant touch and i cant sense..

but the sense within myself..

disregards anything else that exists..

and when im in catatonia..

the world around me exists as a superficial barrier to the concious..

I feel like a vegetable..

i feel like a fruit..

i feel sad sometiumes..

i feel like a root..

not in terms of being grounded..

but being covered from all sides

and have worms and insects of my thought

as comany at all time..

I feel a sense of sadness..

i feel a sense of despair..

i wanted to be disconnected..

but to this extent that i dont care..

I think and i thought..

I felt and I felt..

i see and i saw..

and like a pendulum i judge time in counter movement ways.

I dont wake up from this..

i feel as if my mind body is numb..

from pain and from not using..

but what numbs me the most is my thoughts.